Shannanigans: Move out of my way people

Monday, January 30, 2012

Move out of my way people

There are few things that can get me from zero to sixty in no time flat. Zero being...Everything is right in the world and made of marshmallows. Sixty being...Don't get near me or I might rip your face off, chew it up, spit it out, then drop kick it through the window. What? You don't feel rage such as this? Anyway, I like to call them the precursors to an IBM or Instand Bad Mood (a term coined by, I believe, the author of The Encyclopedia of an Ordinary Life). Nothing to do with a bowel movement, although maybe that would lighten things up a little. Here are mine

1. Chewy Chicken. ESPECIALLY when I've spent a pretty penny on the organic stuff. My heart rate is starting to increase just thinking about it.
2. Hot water turning to cold during a shower. Maybe if I had some warning or something, I wouldn't want to melt down like a toddler who hasn't napped in a week.
3. Sticky floors. The feeling of the sole of my shoe lingering just a tad longer to the floor than it should, mixed with that crinkly scrunchy sound it makes, is just too much.
4. Losing something that I just saw. Really- scissors don't just get up and walk themselves. This one's gonna land me in the loony bin if it happens one more time.
5. Banging my shin on a sharp surface. Why is this so maddening? Is it because I have no one to blame but my clutsy self?
6. Showing up to church EARLY and there are no seats. Sure, they aren't full of people, but instead people's scriptures and bags. I'm just waiting for the day that a member of the bishopric will read a letter at the pulpit from the first presidency banning the very act of saving seats in church. Period.
7. Finding dirty dishes in the dishwasher after the cleaning cycle is complete. When this happens, I usually blame my husband or the dishwasher. Either way, this makes me crazy.

What puts you in an IBM?

7 comments:

Shauna said...: I agree with every one of these. I have to admit the sticky floors drive me bonkers, especially when I just cleaned them. Grrrr.; 1:53 PM
Eliza said...: So funny, I so love picturing your face as your saying this. remember when I asked what your personal hell would be, and did you know the picture of you walking around on sticky floors in socks having Mariah Carey/Celine Dion being blasted kills me everytime. so so funny.; 4:01 PM
A STAR is born said...: In no particular order (most of these have to do with driving):
--When my GPS all of a sudden won't work and I'm already driving
--Traffic
--When someone won't let me into their lane and it makes me miss my exit. Honestly, I am amazed at the fury this creates in me. I should never carry weapons.
--Losing things
--Coming home from the grocery store and realizing I forgot one item
--Unfinished errands (like driving all the way to the dry cleaners and they haven't finished my stuff yet)
--Nickleback
--Watching the news on TV

...I have sooo many more it's embarrassing. Apparently psychotic rage runs in the family.; 10:55 AM
mghsnow@yahoo.com said...: First of all what you have inherited from your family, (namely, your mother) is the condition EAS, not psychotic rage. That is too strong, Stefanie. EAS is a lifetime syndrome, incurable. So sorry but just deal with it!
By the way for everyone out there who may not know what EAS is (since I dubbed it) EASILY ANNOYED SYNDROME; 10:20 AM
Angie said...: I freak out when my kids head butt me! I try to stay calm but snuggling one minute and bleeding the next is infuriating! Also, comments about me being "busy" from complete strangers. I just always feel like they are against me having three kids.; 9:42 AM
Molly Koch said...: Ok I love this. My biggest rage is when Braden hits my butt every time he passes by. If I had a penny for every time he hits my butt I would be a billionaire.
Every time Troy loses something. I love him with all my heart but the absent minded husband thing gets me every time. He just lost his second wedding ring after only 2 months. Gone its a goner maybe it will find his other lost one and they can be friends although that ones been gone 4 years This week alone we have hunted down his phone 5 times his keys 4 a belt, shoe matches, and his glasses twice. And those are only the ones I remember.
When I ask my kids to put their shoes on 9 times only to find that they have misplaced one can't find the socks I rounded up for them and are begging to just wear flip-flops instead when it's 40 degrees out.; 7:06 PM
Katrina said...: Thanks mom for giving me license to freak out or at least feel better about doing it so much.
Mine:
1. When I can't find something. Anything. Whether I had it 10 seconds ago or 10 days ago. I venture that I have spent 30% of my life purely looking for stuff.
2. Spilled milk. AHHHH! I HATE IT. I cry over spilled milk.
3. Strangers who are younger than me who call me "hun."
4. When I cause bodily harm to myself. Most especially dropping stuff on my toes. WHY does that hurt so bad?
5.Anything sung by Patrcik Swayze from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack.
6. The teen and preteen snotty, condescending comeback,"WOW."
7. Doing 30 in a 40 mph. COME ON!
8. Someone who rides MY tail when I'm already going 8-10 miles over the speed limit.
More to come....'cuz there are so many more!; 7:35 PM

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Colby and Kara Quotes

Ty walked into Kara's room as she was getting dressed. Kara told Ty to close his eyes and Ty said, "No! Eyes! Anna!" (Anna is what Ty calls Kara-March 2011)
*****
Ty's latest: "down-me" (at least 50 times a day. It means he wants up on his chair, down from his chair, help down the stairs, for me to pick him up, for me to put him down...), "apple-now" (means apple. He puts the word "now" at the end of almost everything), "keekoo-now" (means cookie), "donu" (sounds like donut and means candy),"no" (very emphatically and to almost everything I say), "mil" (means milk and any other liquid drink), "nee-nee" (means blankie), "daydoo" (thank-you). These are just the most popular words among his ever-growing vocabulary. He can repeat anything you tell him to repeat and he has just started combining 2 words consistently the last few weeks. (March 2011)
****
Kara: "Guess what mom. I'm going to get you a really special present. For your birthday. It's at the dollor store." February 2011
*****
Kara: "Mom. Would you slide down a waterfall?"
Mom: "Ya, I'd slide down a waterfall. Would you slide down a waterfall?"
Kara: "Yes. Yes I would. If Jesus told me to slide down a waterfall, I would!" (August 2010)
*****
Kara: As we're watching TV). "Mom. Does this happen? Are people ever watching us on TV?" (July 2010)
*****
Colby plopped down next to me while I was in my bed reading a novel and said, "Mom, I'm reading something better than you, something that's important. It's called the Book of Mormon." (March 2010)
*****
Colby uses "giants" to reference anything big or of mass quantity. "Mom. Is the earth as big as a giant?" "I'm so hungry, I could eat a giant!" "If I eat a lot of brocolli, I'll grow as big as a giant." (February 2010)
*****
Kara: "Guess what I want for dinner when it's my birthday... Rotten noodles!" After a little probing, we figured out she meant ramen noodles. (February 2010)
****
A few Colby and Kara-isms as of late:
canora (granola-Kara), bazeum (museum- Colby), bestructions (instructions- Kara), prastic (practice- Colby), cownaforneeuh (California- Kara), my throw-up hurts (my throat hurts- Kara), That possed can't be happened! (That's not supposed to happen- Kara), stellacove (telescope- Kara) July 2009-January 2010
*****
Kara: "If I got in trouble and a fireman came to our house, would you be sad?" (Janaury 2010)
****
Mom: "Tomorrow, I'm going with Dad to a place called Las Vegas."
Colby: "Are things lost in lost Vegas?" (December 2009)
*****
Kara: "Santa is so funny! His elves builded my underwear too big!" (December 2009)
****
Since Halloween, Kara thinks that we should dress up for every holiday. Today she said, "Mom. Do you know what I want to be for next Christmas? Naked!" (December 2009)
****
Kara: "I had a dream about exercise monsters. And Jesus helped them into the pool. Exercise monsters like the pool because they have short fingernails and short heads." (October 2009)
****
Kara: (During Sacrament Meeting, after she asked me if she could play at Nathan's house after church and I said no). "Ya! Now! Let me!" (October 2009)
*****
Kara: "If Colby makes me mad again, I'll tell Jesus to cut off his head." (October 2009)
*****
Kara: (In a 15-year-old valley girl voice) "Oh my gos. That is so freaky cute, mom!" (October 2009)
****
Colby: (After hours of waiting outside for the ice cream truck to drive by our house) "Do you think Jesus knows when the ice cream man will come?" (September 2009)
*****
Kara: "I love chips. They're my favorite vegetable." (August 2009)
****
Kara to mom: "You're not my even special friend anymore!"
*****
After looking into Ty's ear Colby said, "Look mom. There's a hole in Ty's ear."
****
Most frequently used quotes in our house:
"That's not even fair!"
"That's going to take forever!"
"You're in awful trouble!" (March 2009)
****
Colby: "Mom. Now we need to make you on that thing we play golf (creating the playing characters on the Wii) and we need to make you fat." (March 2009)
*****
Colby: "Mom. I'm going to make a machine that looks like that white thing in the office (fan) that goes like this (rapidly spinning his finger around) that is so ginormous and I will put it in the backyard and it will blow all of our dog poop into the other backyards." (February 2009)
****
When asked why Kara keeps coming into our room in the middle of the night to sleep in our bed, she replied, "because there are witches in my room. And they have guns and they will shoot me." (February 2009)
*****
Kara: "Mom, why are you feakin out?" (January 2009)
*****
Kara's prayer tonight: "Heavenly Father. Thank you mom could come home. Thank you finger come home. Bread come home. Cow come home. Dad come home. Amen." (January 2009)
*****
Kara: "Mommy, hold my horawse (horse). He's so sad."
Mom: "Why is he so sad?"
Kara: "Um...he REALLY don't like my shirt." (December 2008)
*****
Colby and I were playing the "I'm thinking of something green" game. I said I was thinking of something white and when Colby couldn't guess it, I told him the answer was teeth. He said, "Teeth aren't white, mom." I replied, "They aren't? What color are they (dreading the answer I knew was coming). "They're the color of...um...honey. Yah, yellow. Like the color of honey." (October 2008)
****
If Kara really wants to be persuasive, she will follow a request or command with, "my daddy be so mad." For example, if she is trying to tell me to not touch her sleeping baby, she'll say, "Don't touch my baby, she sleeping. My daddy be so mad. Don't touch my baby." The wrath of Cameron is pretty scary so I usually obey when I hear that threat.
*****
Kara's latest phrase of choice is "booby head." She calls Colby a booby head at least 10 times a day and "I want my daddy" was once quickly followed by, "daddy booby head." I am proud to say she has not yet labeled me a booby head.
*****
(At the check-out stand in Albertsons. I lifted Colby out of the cart...)
Colby: "I thought you were going to put me up there so she could buy me!" (June 2008)
****
(While looking at the bird's nest outside our window...)
Dad: "Where did the mommy robin go?"
Colby: "Probably to the store to buy more eggs." (June 2008)*****
(After the kids got into the hot car and part of the hot seat belt touched Kara's leg, resulting in her crying...)
Colby: "I was brave. Kara, you forgot to be brave. Do you know what brave means? It means you are so so good and brave." (June 2008)
*****
Kara: "Mom yook (look)! A bug. It kill me!" (June 2008)
****
A few Karaisms: Holdee=hold me or hold anything in my hands, bi bu=big jump (June 2008)
****
For lunch we were having hamburgers with sesame seed buns. I looked over and saw Colby picking off all the sesame seeds and putting them in a pile. When I asked what he was doing he said, "I'm saving the seeds so I can plant them so that we'll have hamburger trees." (May 2008)
*****
"Mom, I was a really really freakin' good boy at the store. Can I have my treat now?" (April 2008)
****
"I don't want to put pumpkins in my bed. That would bug me up." (April 2008)
*****
A few Colbyisms: last night=anything in the past, a little long time=forever, hot pie=pot pie, man guy=bad guy, nomiss=imaginary name, smashmallows=marshmallows (April 2008)
****
Kara is really into tatlling lately. When I found her in the kitchen with 2 decks of cards scattered across the floor, she pointed to the mess while jabbering something that ended in "Grandpa." Poor Grandpa is getting blamed for messes now.
I heard Kara calling/whining for me and when I went to get her she said, "Colby. I mad!" with the angriest look ever. It was so hilarious to hear that come out of her mouth. (April 2008)
****
In Colby's prayer last night, he said, "thank you for President Monson," (much to my pleasure since I had been drilling him all day long) and then surprisingly threw in another thank you for "President Uchtdorf." (April 2008)
****
"If my peepee broke off I couldn't go pee and I would have to hold it forever." (March 2008)
*****
This is during my attempt to discipline Colby after I watched him kick Kara in the stomach at the library- hence another reason I am loving age 3 so much...)
Mom: "Colby, when we get home, you have to go to time-out for kicking your sister. I don't like it when you kick your sister."
Colby: "Then I'll just kick you."
Mom: "What did you say? You don't talk to me that way."
Colby: "I'll just kick you a lot and a lot."
****
"Mom, do you know what zero means? It means that mom and dad doesn't give you nofing." (March 2008)
****
"Mom, let's get out of the cold or else my hair will fly away. And then I'll have no hair!" (January 2008)
*****
"Mom, you're getting big." (January 2008- Let's just hope he was referring to my getting big by eating my vegetables rather than all those holiday treats...)
*****
(At Walmart as Colby was picking out Kara's Christmas present. He was deciding between a Snow White doll or a Snow White dress-up...)Colby: "Maybe we should get the doll for Kara and the dress-up for me." (December 2007)
*****
During lunch after I burped...)Colby: (between giggles) "Ew mom, that's 'gusting!" (October 2007)
*****
(While riding in the car at night...)Colby: "Dad, turn on the light."Dad: "I can't."Colby: "Yes you can. Just reach one arm and turn it on. That's a good idea."Dad: (jokingly) "No, that's a bad idea."Colby: "Then do the bad idea."(October 2007)
*****
Colby was tearing up bits of toilet paper and leaving trails of it on my floor. I was very irritated after telling him several times to stop and throw the bits of paper away.ME: (in a very stern and kinda mean voice) "Colby- Throw the the toilet paper away now!"COLBY: "I will! You be patient! (August 2007)
*****
At Snowbird Ski Resort, we were looking at the mountains around us and Colby was wondering why they didn't have snow on them. He said, "Mom, I want to go up in the sky and get the snow down." (July 2007)
****
Colby's lyrics for "I'll prepare myself when I am young" (I Love to See the Temple) are, "I'll prepare myself and num num num." (July 2007)
*****
As we were having a FHE on tithing, Colby was asked what we should give Heavenly Father when we have some money. His response: "Watermelon." (July 2007)
*****
SETTING: A nice, polite family dinner.COLBY: "Belch."MOM: "Colby, please say excuse me."COLBY: "I can't."MOM: "Why can't you say excuse me?"COLBY: "I don't have time." (July 2007)
*****
Candy, I've been missin you." as he gazed at a candybar he pulled out at the checkout line in Albertsons. (June 2007)

Monday, January 30, 2012

Move out of my way people

7 comments:

Colby and Kara Quotes

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