Hello. How can I make your life miserable today?

Here is how I imagine an interview to go between a DMV applicant and the interviewer (this could
also apply to a Delta or United Gate agent applicant as well)-

Interviewer: Do you hate people?

Applicant: Yes ma'am, very much.

Interviewer: Do you have references to vouch for this?

Applicant: Yes ma'am. Several. My next door neighbor, my child's soccer coach, and my ex-clergyman to name a few.

Interviewer: Great. Were you mocked and ridiculed as a child?

Applicant: Constantly.

Interviewer: Have you hated every job you've ever had and are planning on hating this one?

Applicant: I hate jobs. And did I mention I hate people? But I do love to see people in pain. My favorite is to watch people want to gouge our their own eyes.

Interviewer: Perfect. What would you say is your biggest strength?

Applicant: I have very few strengths which is why I am applying for this government job but I'd have to say that I excel the most in putting myself above all others. I am also good at taking out my frustrations and rotten mood on anybody that may seek help from me.

Interviewer: Ahh. Interesting. That is a trait I seek for myself. One final question. Are you completely incapable of  feeling sympathy and/or empathy in the face of a troubling situation, even though you may, and mostly likely will, or perhaps already have, encountered the same situation yourself which should therefore make you the perfect candidate for empathy yet you still have the inability to relate therefore proving, indeed, that you are a very cold and insensitive human being?

Applicant: Yes, and yes.

Interviewer: You are just what we're looking for around here. Upon credibility of your references, I hope to welcome you to our team. In which case you'll start Monday. Be here no later than 11:00 am after which your lunch hour will be 11:30-2:30 and then you're off at 3:00. You'll have all weekends and holidays off as well as Fridays, just for good measure. And if you could call in sick or just not show up to work frequently so that we are understaffed, that would be appreciated.