Introducing the New
MIRACLE WEIGHT LOSS PROGRAM
it's all natural and it's FREE!!!
Lose weight by doing nothing more than lay in bed. It's easy, fast and 100% guaranteed effective!
Perfect for shedding those unwanted pounds from inhaling insane amounts of food on a cruise
1 EASY STEP...Get a severe head & chest cold/flu-like virus + sinus infection
Our unique formula works by obtaining a sudden and immediate loss of appetite accompanied by excess calorie burnage from several sources:
a) rapid alterations between shivering when stricken with fever, than sweating buckets when the fever breaks.
b) body aches so bad that you burn even more calories from the inability to sit, stand or lay still
*Guaranteed to keep you in bed (or on the cold hard airport floor) and nowhere near the kitchen for at least 5 days!*
*In the few moments of weakness (when the fever breaks) you are sure to think twice about indulging in nourishment because of congestion so bad you can't see straight enough to find the refrigerator. And who cares if you could- you can't smell or taste a thing anyway!*
Act now and we'll throw in a free ab tightner. The ab tightner works simply by violently coughing and hacking over and over again until vomiting. Just watch your abs turn from flab to steel, right before your eyes!
Fine print: If unable to stick with this diet plan, the chances of gaining back all lost weight plus 10% is extremely likely. We are not responsible for erratic mood swings or disastrous houses. Childcare is not available during the course of the program.
